A Living Breathing Cryonic Miracle

You ever stop yourself where you’re standing and think about waiting there until somone realizes that you’re gone? Perhaps it sounds crazy, but we all have that stubborn need to belong, and as most have realized, the best thing to do might be to explode. Spread yourself thin across countless personalities and culture in hopes that one or two might let you in. Entertain a certain stranger. Welcome in the unfamilar. Just like everyone says they would. I’m well aware that I am an extreme example of what happens when the sting of loneliness sets in to a gentle numbing, but it’s never been a problem, and still I know that I need for now, to get my life out of the blender. Maybe sort through the mush and muck of everything to feel secure again without hiding behind my fortified brick wall. I’ve always been outgoing, willing to give a ride to the guy walking down the road, a hug for a stranger. In that, I desperately need to feel myself again, because I don’t. I know that there is nothing to be overly upset about, but death it seems, has taken a toll on me that I did not expect it to. It’s like living in a haze. A fog. Grabbing at any chance to smile or envelop in someone else. Parting. Me. Beautiful.

So I’ve stopped quite a few times. Taken a deep breath, only to resume the day as new as possible. Resist the idea that I am alone or that I need the vacation scenario that plays through my head again and again. I do not have a problem. I have a desire. Should I stop that? Haunt me. It hasn’t stopped. It’s the constant in life, though unprocurable anywhere else, like a spirit clinging to the memorable. Want. Everything. Why though, do I have to be so finite? That brick wall is only getting in the way, and I’d love to think that I haven’t become too comfortable behind it to function outside. My own makeshift prison. Freezer. So it’s time, I guess, to break free. Repeat History, and merge the outside with myself.