The Unexpected M

Weave a word, woven through and up and down, side to side and back again. Pray for the time that might never come, when the only thing you feel is how much longer you have to endure your pain. I’m only speaking in riddles. I’m only ever on 3 sides of the argument. And I still don’t want to be alone. Do you feel jumpy? Like you can’t sit still? Can’t sleep at night? Like someone’s always going in and out of tempo with your life. Like you can’t get anything right the 19^th time in a row.

              I guess it’s kind of a simple thing, a hard-set desire to feel wanted. Regarded would even do the trick. I’m aware of how it feels to have your face shoved in the dirt without any compliance at all. But you don’t deserve that. You really don’t. No matter how much has gone down in your life you couldn’t possibly have done something so horrible as to merit being so miserably unaccompanied. Saint within Fire. Maybe for one more, we have to try. And again for the one after that if it fails to escalate to a happiness. The horse isn’t dead. Only fallen.  Needs a little help standing up again. So could you do it? One more time? Again and again and again until you make it work instead of waiting for it to fix itself. Something had to be wrong. Something has to be changed. Though for the oddest reason, I can’t see it being you. Such a simple, elegant thought. Somehow, you couldn’t possibly be the problem.

               This is the next time. A wondrous occasion to begin again if you’re willing enough to do so. I believe it now, more than ever, because I know how much it would mean to you.  How much it would mean to me. As much as I want to get work done, I know the sting gets worse if you leave it there unattended to, and only calluses harder and harder every time the pin pricks through. I see your wall. I’ve got it too. You’re just like that. nobody needs to worry about you, take all the stress and anguish and anger and pain and terror and tie it up on your back so that not a soul other than you has to carry it around. I get it. I do. I just wish I could help out. I wish I could see past that. Find out who you are, what you love. How you want to be. Who you want to be. God knows I can’t just figure it out. Can’t just read it. I’m trying to tear down my own wall brick by brick. Let people inside. It’s hard though. Takes time and practice, but I also I’d very much like to. I’ve had enough of not feeling like myself. So I’m going to be better about it. Give it a shot, you might actually enjoy yourself. Excellent.

The seasons are changing. So change with them. Welcome home with open arms.